Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize