he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
