ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
