You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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