And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
