You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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