God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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