Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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