you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
