How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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