If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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