Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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