I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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