drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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