I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
