hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
