You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
