I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
