I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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