so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
