i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
