4 words: hood of his car
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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