i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
