Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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