The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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