i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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