so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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