First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
