so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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