hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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