I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
