you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
