Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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