he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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