He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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