I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
