I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize