Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
