Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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