you didnt know i had herpes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize