Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
