Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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