so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
