she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We got so high we made milksteak
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
