gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
