Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
