I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
