Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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