drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
