sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
