elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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