At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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