I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
