Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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