We need to rekindle our bromance
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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