if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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