I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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