I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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