There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
