And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
