he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
