Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
