my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
