my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Less talking, more tequila
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
