end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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