some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
