When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
