had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
