3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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