would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
